My very first trip outside of the U.S. was a spur-of-the-moment-tag-along-with-my-roomie-who-planned-the-whole-thing kind of ordeal. I was a 21-year-old college dropout working my first job at a chocolate shop and I was starved of adventure.

So I thought, eh, what the hell. 

When I finally convinced my bosses to give me a whopping 2 weeks off work, my friend was already in Ecuador waiting for me. I drove to her parent’s house the night before to be closer to the airport for my early flight. When I got there my friend’s mom drove me to Staples upon learning that I had failed to make a copy of my passport. The whole way to Staples she lectured me about travel safety to the aching cries of a scratched Carrie Underwood CD. She said that this was going to be the trip of a lifetime; that I was so brave to be leaving the safety of the U.S. of A., as she had never done nor ever would do so herself. 

During my 8 hour flight I neurotically felt up my passport in my sexy safety fanny pack bulging under my waistline while my head spun with safety tips, images of pretty girls getting swiped and then found in ditches, and “oh I dug my key into the side (into the side) of his pretty little souped-up four-wheel drive…”

The next morning, I found myself standing in bewilderment at the Mariscal Sucre Quito International Airport at some ungodly hour, the result of an ill-thought-out flight, without any knowledge of Spanish, no signage in English, no one I recognized from my flight, and no Wi-Fi connection. 

I had never been so alone in my whole life. I had never felt so happy. 

That trip taught me so much about a world outside of my small town in North Carolina. But of all the memories I have of that trip, the one that sticks with me the most is when I was bumping up and down in a van on the long dirt road leading from the famous Cotopaxi volcano.

My friend and I had just spent the last few nights in a Lord of the Rings paradise, staying in hobbit houses built into the hills, soaking in a hot tub overlooking the famous Cotopaxi volcano, and hiking the snaking trails leading to pristine waterfalls, all the while blissfully unaware of the chaos we were causing back home. 

Neither my friend nor I had considered it might be a good idea to let our parents know where we’d be before being out of Wifi and data for days… You might imagine how this story goes.

We were on our way back from a hike led by a very cute Irish guy might I add (whose attention I was trying to win over) when the hostel manager ran up to us with phone in hand, calling out in a panic that the US embassy was on other end of the line calling on behalf of my friends mom who had assumed us kidnapped.

I got the attention of that Irish guy alright.

So, I was bumping up and down in a van on my way back from Cotopaxi, feeling disarmed and humbled, when a spunky woman with a buzz cut sparked a conversation with me. She had a real, genuine, scratched-up backpacker’s backpack at her feet (I swear I saw bullet holes). As I noted this, I crossed my legs over my dorky duffle bag and slid it under my seat. 

She wanted to know how long I’d been traveling for; I answered, just a few more days; it was only a 2-week trip after all. She nodded and smiled a patronizing smile. 

I asked her who she was traveling with and for how long. She answered, “Oh, it’s just me, and I’m not sure.”

If I had been drinking a coffee, I would have spit it out.

I didn’t understand how this was possible, I had so many questions. For one, how was she still alive? Isn’t it super dangerous to be a solo female traveler? I had spent the first 2 days in Ecuador in my hostel, barely leaving for fear of being kidnapped and ending up in a ditch. I spent the rest of that bumpy ride drilling her for travel stories and tips. She scared the shit out of me, and I knew by the way my heart was flying as I took the concept of her in that I wanted, needed, to be her. 

And now, 7 years later, I’m here to tell you that you, yes you, can be that bad bitch with a cool backpack too.

I digress.

1. Walk like you know where you’re going, even if you don’t. There’s nothing else you can do to put a target on your back than to look foreign AND lost. And, especially if you’re in a city center, if someone asks if you want them to show you around, just do yourself a favor and politely decline. In most cases, they will ask you for money and then won’t leave you alone if you refuse. On that note, if anyone starts walking alongside you making something like a paper rose or a bug made out of straw to give you, girl that’s not free. Just speed up or be prepared to dish out. 

2. Be aware of your surroundings. This one should be obvious, and probably if you’re femme presenting then you are naturally skilled. If some sweet-looking old man sitting on the steps of a church asks you where you are staying, dear god, don’t do what I did on my 2nd day in Ecuador and all but give him an exact address. Be aware of who’s around you. Keep your eyes open and notice who’s been watching or following for a little too long.

3. Being a drunk idiot abroad has considerably higher consequences than being a drunk idiot at home. I was once a drunk idiot in Mexico and took my passport in my fanny pack to a club. I hid it beneath a bench because, well, I was drunk and who wants to shake their fanny with a fanny pack? Lo and behold it was not there when I returned. The next day when I went through security footage with the manager of the club it showed the very waitress who was serving us drinks all night was the culprit. I lost my phone, a good amount of cash, and my passport all in one night. As you can imagine, ordering an emergency passport without a phone came with its own set of challenges. Also it was my birthday. 🙂

4. Don’t let fear stop you from befriending the locals: Yes, be cautious, but don’t let that get in the way of a cultural experience. Once my friend and I were leaving an ATM in Jaisalmer and we noticed a woman following closely behind us. We were cautious but slowed down to confront her. She wanted to know our names and where we were from and then insisted that we follow her back to her house to meet her family and cook for us. My friend and I stayed for hours in her sweet home where her family showered us with hand-made trinkets they sold at the market, painted our arms with henna, and fed us the most amazing dahl. Another time I was trekking in Costa Rica and was invited in by a Tico who claimed he was a coconut man, I decided to go against everything the My Favorite Murder podcast had taught me and trust my gut. I had the most beautiful day exchanging travel stories, learning salsa, and eating and drinking everything coconut. Basically, you want your eyes to be open to the worst-case scenario, and your heart to be open to the best. 

5. Always have maps pulled up when you’re in a taxi, and always look to make sure that there are the appropriate stickers on the taxi dashboard. Recently, I was with my sister in Thailand- we were sweating it in the back of a taxi racing to make the last ferry of the day to take us to our next destination. I had Google Maps pulled up and noticed that the driver was going in a different direction. Although he had the same address in his maps, the route he was taking us wasn’t going to get us to our ferry on time. The route on my maps would barely make us there if we were lucky. So I gave him my phone to follow and we made it to our ferry with seconds to spare. Also, you know, always good to have maps pulled up in case the taxi driver is a fraud who is actually kidnapping you. 🙂

6. Always over budget (unless you wanna make that fun call to your parents that you need them to bail you out). And don’t forget to budget for ATM charges and exchange rates. When traveling on a budget, it can feel like someone is stealing from you (the government actually), especially if you haven’t prepared for it. It is worth looking into prepaid travel cards that your bank may provide that don’t charge high ATM fees, or look into purchasing a Wise (formally known as Transferwise) card. 

7. Men as bodyguards. Seriously, they do serve a purpose. Yes, you are a fiercely independent woman, but sometimes it is in your best interest to travel to certain areas at certain times of day with a man (or two).

8. A little note on going with the flow. So here’s the beauty of solo traveling; you can leave that group of travelers you met at a hostel literally whenever you want. You are NOT tied down to doing anything you don’t want to do. It’s easy to fall in with a fun group and just go with the flow, and then a week later realize you’ve been spending too much time drinking on the rooftop of a hostel and no time getting out and exploring. If you are anything like me and like to go with the flow and live in a bit of fantasy world that you have all the time in the world, this will happen to you. But if you are also like me and love to get to know the culture you are in, don’t forget to take charge of the itinerary sometimes, and don’t be afraid to go off on your own. This is your trip and you WILL regret not waking up one early morning to see those ruins for sunrise just because you had too much to party the night before. I promise you no matter how much fun you have at the party, it won’t become a core memory the way a sunrise hike to some ruins will be. (Definitely not speaking from personal experience or anything).

9. The universe won’t dish out a challenge you’re not already strong enough to face. Or something like that. Truth be told, if you’re really throwing yourself into the deep end of adventures time and time again, you’re gonna find yourself waist deep in some situations, but remember this is what you signed up for, if this was easy then everybody would be doing it. And it will make you, not break you. Unless it does break you and in that case I don’t know what to say… I am truly sorry.

10. A little note on returning home. Know that when you return home, your relationships with people who never left your hometown will not be the same. This will feel isolating and confusing at times, but this, my friends, is the price of true adventure.

As the wise Mary Angelou once said, “You are only free when you realize you belong no place-you belong every place- no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great.”